We recently came back
after spending a week at my Mom’s house. Zach and I usually take a
“holiday” from French when we visit because in order to get him to speak to me,
I first need his attention, which is next to impossible at “Granny’s” house.
There, I become virtually invisible: he sees only his doting grandmother who
indulges his every whim from morning till night. They are inseparable, and even
though she speaks a tiny bit of French (and helps me on occasion by asking him
to teach her words), he is all about English on visits to Granny.
Until very recently, I
would stress out over this, thinking that if I let more than a day or two go by
without speaking French he would lose it all. Then at some point in the past
year, I gave up trying to be their third wheel -- let alone in French -- and
for the first time, just let it go altogether while we were there. When we
returned to our daily French routines at home, I noticed the gaps in speaking
didn’t seem to have been detrimental to Zach’s French, or at least not
irrevocably. He was a little rusty on a few words here and there, but
overall retained what he knew despite not having spoken for several days.
In fact, I think we both felt more positive about French time for having had
the rest.
I suppose I’m learning that
my work of bilingual parenting is ongoing, day after day, week after week, year
after year. I still try to maintain “discipline” while spending time
with family members who do not speak the language, but I am also trying to
remember to let us both relax and enjoy our time with them. Because taking a break --
especially to spend low-stress time with people we love – doesn’t seem to hurt
our language learning process. In fact, it helps us start fresh when we get
back to our “regular” bilingual life.
This visit drove that
point home to me precisely because of how much more French we spoke than
usual. My mom dislocated her shoulder in a horrible fall after the power (and
heat) went out because of Hurricane Sandy. Already suffering from various
health issues, my normally vibrant, funny, mother was so debilitated with pain
that she really couldn’t engage with Zach. I spent much more time alone with
him than usual, and we spoke more French. But I would have easily traded the
language practice for an all-English visit with a healthy Granny! Even if it meant it would set him back, which
as I already learned, isn’t the case.
Thankfully, my Mom is on
the mend. But I am grateful for this humbling reminder not to sweat these gaps
in language practice, especially when I’m tempted to interrupt quality time
with family because we haven’t filled our quota of French for the day.
